disorganized collection of thoughts

5 min read

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I really need to go back to the drawing board and reorganize myself. I've had a series of weekly breakdowns and have completely strayed from the schedule I had put together for myself. Trying to balance things I need to do plus things to try to relax myself (which are few and badly needed) plus everything else I need to be responsible for is getting difficult. I've been slipping into this hopelessly careless pit of being overwhelmed and I can't see myself ever leaving school or ever even passing these classes. They're going better than last year, but with no motivation to give, I have been doubting myself.

And then of course there are so many things I want to do. Draw, start dabbling in traditional art again, go back to writing like I used to (which was nearly daily...now it's like. I don't know. A couple times a year maybe), read through the pile of books I've been collecting, playing games I've also been collecting, etc. And though I've been doing a bit of these things lately in an effort to relieve myself, it's all jumbled in my mind. I feel guilty for wanting to enjoy these things. The amount of mental disorganization I am sifting through is preventing me from actually accomplishing anything significant enough for me to consider "progress". I get all my assignments and work projects done, but that's still not "enough". There is so much left to do.

I don't know why I am writing this. I was waiting for something to download and had to fill in that waiting time with something. I'm just so tired. I feel like I'm in a perpetual state of temporariness. Like I'm forever waiting for something to happen though I'm not sure what. Living day by day, just biding my time until I get to whatever state that is.

Also we're getting another cat. Or Axel is, technically. Hopefully my cat likes him.

I just seriously need to reevaluate everything. I will be quitting more things soon.

OH ALSO, has anyone seen Book of Life?? BECAUSE YOU SHOULD. IMMEDIATELY. Seriously tho, they really need the profits ;; for such a beautiful movie, hardly anyone is going apparently? It's legit better than probably the last decade of Disney tbh

ok back to work now


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...and man did he have guts...
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